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About Deviant Artist Jacquelyn26/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
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deviation in storage by ArdenEllenNixon


Haven't you had enough?
Haven't you lost enough?
Haven't you hurt enough?
Loved enough?

In this moment we don't know what we have until it is gone.
standing in front of our final moments,
we have everything to live for or nothing at all.

What do you have left to live for?
So much?
Nothing at all?
Do you feel alone?
do you feel surrounded?

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Tears and snot streaming down my face,
the truly messy cry that comes from a truly horrible fight.
I ask you to stop pointing your finger in my face and grab my finger between your much larger and stronger fingers and clamp down and pull.
The pain suddenly becomes too much and scream out in pain and then the pain is gone,
I have momentarily lost all feeling in my finger.
You loosen your grip and exhale exhausted from hearing me cry out in pain.
Proceeded by being verbally beaten,
You are a terrible person...
You have to have everything your way or not at all....
You are a cry baby...
You cry about everything at the drop of a hat...
You cry more then any girl I have ever met.
If your finger hurts you should never have kids,
I don't think we should ever have kids because you wouldn't make it....
.... Terrible.....

I mash my palms to my ears and beg you to stop and start to cry without any signs of stopping and block out anything you could even continue to say or speak or mouth or even mime.
I want nothing more then to dig a hole in the ground and vanish from sight forever.
I begin to rock back and forth.
I have lost my ground and feel I have had the wind knocked out of me and have no more feet to stand on at all at this moment and I want nothing more then to put out my misery.

Curled into a ball on the floor trying to gather myself I can't focus or catch my breath.
You take me in your arms and promise you will never behave this way ever again and what you did was uncalled for and that you will do and be better and you refuse to ever put me through that again.
I don't know if I can trust that thought or those words.
Deep breath.
Keep calm.
  • Mood: Compassion
  • Listening to: Lindsey Stirling- minimal beat
  • Reading: blue is for nightmares
  • Drinking: Water
life is much more complicated at this hour then normal. I should sleep but I fear I have forgotten how to.
I fall,
I stumble,
I want to yell to you for you to come find me,
I am somewhere I do not know and i feel like I can't manage on my own at all.
Please come find me,
be with me and stay by my side,
don't leave me once you find me I don't want to be without you for a single second.
Everything inside of is starting to close in and I don't know how to control myself,
my emotions are going crazy.
No matter what will happen and what has happened I can't live another moment without what you have to give.
No matter how scared that makes me deep down inside my soul.
You scare me,
You frighten me when you take hold of me and latch onto me with your force and weight.
I try to hold it all in but you scream at me to stop and shut up,
So I hold it in,
I don't breathe,
I hardly blink,
I fear I might explode.
You scream at me to shut up when my will starts to break and I'm about to break down and let my heart burst.
I will fight to keep it together as long as I can,
But the moment you calm and look into my eyes and we begin to speak calmly again I beg you if I can finally cry and let it out.
You huff and I can't help it,
it all pours out and I break.
You cring and you say 'baby please don't cry'
I can't contain myself anymore and apologize for crying and beg you not to be angry with me and please just let me,
it has come from the fear you caused inside my poor heart and mind.
You tell me I am strong but sometimes I need to break and let my emotions out and feel like a girl.
I can't be strong all the time.
This is deep inside my heart, something I have dealt with for sometime now. I still love him and currently am with him. He is trying and I am trying to forgive and trust.


JackieRB2007's Profile Picture
United States
Current Residence: MO
Favourite genre of music: all but rap and jazz
Favourite photographer: me!!! lol
Favourite style of art: Modern and other
Operating System: ....
MP3 player of choice: Ipod
Skin of choice: well ya' see...
Favourite cartoon character: The little blue guy off Chalkzone!
Personal Quote: Everything happens for a reason.
  • Mood: Compassion
  • Listening to: Lindsey Stirling- minimal beat
  • Reading: blue is for nightmares
  • Drinking: Water
life is much more complicated at this hour then normal. I should sleep but I fear I have forgotten how to.

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Add a Comment:
turkiye2009 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2011  Student Filmographer
thanks and do you have a picture of you i really want to see you :P
JackieRB2007 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2011
yeah it's my thumb nail picture. that's me.
Valiant-Devil Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2011
I sent you a note, you may want to see it :p
moroka323 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the :+devwatch:
Lithium-0 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2005
:w00t: Hello there Jacquelyn, how have you been? We haven't talked for nearly a year now, but i'm glad you remembered/added me. :D
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